


on some nights like this (i can't help but think of us)

by jindorisblue



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, communication is important yall, theyre just dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2019-11-14 00:04:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18041606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jindorisblue/pseuds/jindorisblue
Summary: She felt pathetic, because when she opened her eyes, her eyes were set to the contact's name. Jinsol, with a blue heart next to it.(In which both girls tiptoe around their feelings for each other and faces the consequences; based on Kehlani's Nights Like This)





	1. Sooyoung's POV

Sooyoung stared at the screen of her phone, tears blurring her view as her thumb hovered over the call button. The picture set for the contact was still of them, a happy Sooyoung that she missed herself, smiling so brightly at the camera that her eyes turned into two crescent moons. Next to her was _her_ , the blonde girl that had broken her heart to pieces, pressing a kiss to her cheek. Her other hand went up to her cheek subconsciously, a shaky exhale escaping her lips as her eyes fluttered close, imagining how those lips used to feel on her cheek. She felt pathetic, she was never one to go through heartbreak. Hell, she was never one for feelings. She felt pathetic, because she had foolishly opened up to her, had entertained herself with the idea that _maybe_ they would really end up together. She felt pathetic, because when she opened her eyes, her eyes were set to the contact's name. Jinsol, with a blue heart next to it.

Furiously wiping at her eyes with her sleeve, she tried to will her thoughts away. She slammed her phone down on the mattress, reaching out to her nightstand in favor of taking the wine gifted from her friends in celebration of her successful show. But the taste of wine even felt different when she doesn't have Jinsol with her, any celebration felt different without her. She was her best friend, one of the few people who believed in her and urged her to pursue dancing. She helped Sooyoung record her covers, going as far to looking up scholarships for her. She was the one who had come to stop Sooyoung from overworking herself, coming to the dance studio in the middle of the night only clad in her ridiculous Judy Hopps pants and grey hoodie, hair up in a ponytail, and a bag of junk food as a bribe. She was there for her first show, waiting backstage with a bottle of wine because she knew that Sooyoung doesn't like flowers. She was there when she twisted her ankle just the night before a show, held her when she broke down crying because she was angry at herself, reassuring her that it wasn't her fault. She was always there, and Sooyoung had gotten so used to it. Not only to celebrate, but also to reassure her when times get rough.

It was after one of her shows, during one of those after-show celebrations when it all started. Jinsol was excusing herself from the party, never been one as social as Sooyoung. The taller one was quick to hold her by the wrist before she even had the chance to leave, sparing quick goodbyes to her friends before tugging the blonde to leave with her.

"You can stay, you know. It's a celebration for your show after all," Jinsol had said once they were outside.

Sooyoung had shrugged, pulling her coat tighter around her. "I just wanna put my best friend's comfort before anyone else's."

She had felt Jinsol's eyes on her, eyeing the side of her face with an unreadable expression. She had expected the tease, a finger poking at her side with that obnoxious 'aw you love me' the blonde had always said. But all she got was silence, before she was stopped by a tug on her sleeve. When she looked back, the blonde was looking down. She could barely muster out what Jinsol was saying, but her heart nearly leaped out of her chest when the smaller girl looked up with her cheeks tinted red in a way Sooyoung had never seen before, her voice was shaky when she asked the taller girl to bring her back to her place.

Sooyoung didn't ask questions. When hands wrapped around her waist as she locked the door, she didn't question it. When Jinsol pressed her face against her back, she didn't question it. When she first heard the faintest sniffle, she didn't question it. And when she heard Jinsol asked her to kiss her, voice trembling, she did so, without question. Because she meant what she said, she had foolishly wanted to put her best friend above everyone else. Even if it meant herself.

Sooyoung sighed, rubbing her temples to will herself not to cry at the memory. Because Jinsol had looked so soft under the yellow light of her room, looking up at her with a fond smile on her lips and that soft look in her eyes, fingers threading through her dark tresses before pulling her down into another kiss. Because she missed that look, one she had thought was only reserved for her. Because when the morning came, Jinsol still had that look. Because through the months they did it, Jinsol still had that look. So was she foolish to be surprised when Jinsol said that she was seeing a guy?

"Oh." had been the older girl's initial response. Jinsol looked nervous, bouncing her legs as she expectantly looked at Sooyoung. She felt her throat closing up, a burn in her chest as her eyes started to water. She looked away, up at the ceiling to make it seem like she was thinking. "we should stop then"

She was met with silence, but all kinds of thoughts invaded her mind. A particular question nagged at her, burning at the tip of her tongue waiting to be said. But Sooyoung was never one to question things, not ones that could possibly make Jinsol happy. She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach, because this, had sounded like something that could make Jinsol happy. Who was she to deny that from her?

"Right." finally came the answer from the blonde. Sooyoung looked over to see Jinsol fisting at her pants before abruptly standing up, sparing her a quick, rather forced smile, she noted. She hurriedly gathered her things, avoiding Sooyoung's gaze as she said, "I should go."

Sooyoung let her without question.

So that was the last time she saw Jinsol, not even a word from her since and it had been _weeks_. She hugged her legs closer to her chest, burying her face between her knees as she cursed at herself. Had she asked the question, would it have played out differently?

She was about to down the rest of her wine when she felt her phone vibrate, the screen lit up with that photo, that name, and all her resolve broke. Gone was the dam she had been building to contain her tears. Her hands fumbled to get it, sliding the green button before she pressed the phone to her ear, shamelessly sobbing to the phone.

She heard Jinsol say i'm sorry through the phone, over and over again, chanted like a mantra. Her voice hoarse, as if she had been crying herself, as Sooyoung launched into a rant over how fucking pathetic she had been feeling, how she had missed her, how she just wanted her fucking best friend back. And she listened to them all, until Sooyoung asked her a question.

It was soft, spoken like a secret, a part of her wished the blonde wouldn't be able to make it. "Did it really mean nothing to you, Sol?"

And she was right, it did change everything.


	2. Jinsol's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She kept reminding herself that show night is always Sooyoung’s night, a night when they usually meet up after a rough week and reward themselves, basking in each other’s companies no matter where they are. So it felt… off, spending it alone, when she could shower her with compliments, making her laugh with her absurd jokes, showering kisses on her cheek, just letting her know that she’s loved...
> 
> Or telling her that she loves her.

“Don’t you think we need to talk?”

 

Jinsol looked up to see Kyubin approach their table, two cups of coffee in his hands. His tone didn’t sound accusatory, in fact he had this concerned look upon his face where his eyebrows furrow yet his gaze sharp. Jinsol looked away at that, figured that she didn’t deserve that.

 

He didn’t take offence in Jinsol’s shift of focus. Instead, he sat down across from her, setting their cups down before leaning back in his chair. The blonde could feel his gaze, as if burning her skin as he waited, expecting an answer. So she decided to change the topic.

 

“How was class?” Jinsol said, looking up to meet his gaze, trying to sound cheerful as she did so.

 

He frowned, clearly not amused that Jinsol had changed the subject so abruptly. But he took a deep breath, ever the patient one that Jinsol’s heart breaks a little. He then said, “It was fine. I just wish it doesn’t have too many group projects.”

 

“Why? Who’s your groupmates?”

 

“That doesn’t matter.”

 

“Of course it matters! You can’t be the only one working on--”

 

“Sol,” he interjected softly, reaching for her hand from across the table. Jinsol’s gaze shifted to his hand, how his thumb had started rubbing circles on the inside of her wrist. “Please. We need to talk.”

 

“What’s there to talk about?”

 

“The kiss?” he tried, before letting out an exasperated sigh. “You kissed me last night, Sol.”

She closed her eyes at the reminder, too embarrassed to even look at Kyubin at that moment. It was true that she had kissed him, because she felt like Kyubin  _ is  _ a nice guy. She first met him at a class, where they were grouped for a project together. They initially didn’t go quite well together, always bickering over the smallest details in the project but they found out later that their harsh criticism over one another was what got them the highest mark in the class. Jinsol had thought it would be nice for them to celebrate that achievement, so they went out for drinks to celebrate. The blonde then learned that Kyubin was funny, that he was passionate about what he was doing, that he liked movies, that he was quite a light-weight, and that he loved Gundam models, just like her. It became natural after, how they became friends.

 

Kyubin had always been upfront, in his criticism and his feelings, something Jinsol wasn’t quite used to. So when he said that he might’ve started to like her, to say that she was surprised was an understatement. He had noticed, laughing it off by teasing that Jinsol was just dense, to which she whined at. Kyubin then tucked Jinsol’s hair behind her ear, had said that he wasn’t expecting anything from her and that he’d be fine with just being friends. Jinsol had found sincerity in his eyes, with that soft smile playing on his lips. It felt familiar, but not from who she wanted it to be. He then asked if she wanted to try to go on a date with him, to which she could always say no to. So she surprised even herself when she had said yes, because he still had that familiar gaze, something she yearned for, though it wasn’t from her. It wasn’t from Sooyoung.

 

But that night, after she had said yes to him, she caught Sooyoung looking at her with that same look, cheeks rosy, mouth agape, and something in her snapped. She had wished, for the longest time, that maybe that tender look had meant something more than how much she loved her as a best friend. But the words she said just seconds before reminded her that she  _ was  _ just a best friend to her. She wanted to proof herself wrong, push as much buttons as she could, so she didn’t even realize that she had uttered out those words, asking Sooyoung to take her home. She had hoped Sooyoung would catch the innuendo, tease her about it, but after shaking her head to rid herself of the shock, Sooyoung only grasped her hand and led the way.

 

They were silent for the rest of their walk there, leaving Jinsol alone with her own thoughts. Sooyoung had never been one to ask questions, yes, but wasn’t this sort of situation questionable to begin with? Everything was confusing to her, but she didn’t dare ask Sooyoung if it meant what she thought it meant, afraid that it would ruin what they have. The fear of losing Sooyoung got to her, that as soon as Sooyoung closed the door she wrapped her hands around her waist, pressing her face to her back, needing to know that she was there. She was still within reach, her best friend, who she thought might have felt the same way. The taller one didn’t move, Jinsol knew all too well that it was her way of letting her know that she was there, as a shoulder to cry on.

 

“Sooyoung…” she had started, voice muffled, before she pulled back, staring at the back of her head. “Do you want to kiss me?”

 

She had heard the faintest shaky exhale coming from the girl in front of her. But she decided to continue, “Please kiss me.”

 

And she did. They never talked about the night they spent together, or the nights after, they just kept doing whatever arrangement they had. With Jinsol being too afraid to say something that would end it. Until she did just that.

 

So Kyubin  _ is  _ a nice guy, who had had the courage to be vulnerable with his feelings, something she admired most about him. Kyubin, who had been nothing but understanding with her, who could stand her dorky side, who had looked at her as if she hung stars in the sky for him, wasn’t girls supposed to feel something for nice guys? If this was a romantic comedy, wouldn’t she feel those butterflies in her stomach by now? So, how come that with every touch, every gaze, and every smile, she just wished that he was someone else? Why couldn’t she just like him? Why didn’t she feel  _ anything  _ when they kissed, even with pretty lights around them?

 

“I didn’t know what I was thinking,” Jinsol said, feeling her throat close up because she remembered how she had wished it was Sooyoung with her, under those pretty lights. “I’m sorry.”

 

His grip around her hand tightened, for a second Jinsol was scared that he might snap, but instead she felt a brush against her cheek. She opened her eyes to see him tucking her hair behind her ear, his gaze searching her face. When his eyes met hers, a pained look cross his face. Jinsol’s breath hitched when he asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“There’s nothing--”

 

“Sol,” he softly interjected again, this time more insistent, like he just wanted to get this over and done with. “You’ve asked to meet me far more often than you did two weeks ago, and while I don’t mind I never once felt that you’re as enthusiastic as I always am.”

 

Jinsol looked down, ashamed, because what Kyubin said was the truth. She needed a distraction from Sooyoung, even though she was actually the one who ruined everything. She had wished that maybe,  _ maybe _ , Kyubin would be able to fill the hole Sooyoung used to fill. 

 

He took the silence as an affirmation, his voice shake when he continued, “I can’t help but feel that you were trying to avoid something, maybe something to do with Sooyoung?”

 

Jinsol’s head snapped up at that.

 

A bitter chuckle, “So I was right?”

 

“What do you know about Sooyoung?” she felt a burn in her chest, an inexplicable anger rising with it.

 

“Nothing much,” he said, “Except that ever since we started going on dates you always talk about her. I know that she’s been your best friend since the longest of time, I remember one time you said that she liked coming over to your dorm with coffee whenever you have to pull an allnighter, I even went with you to get her a wine for one of her shows. I remember you whining about her specific taste and how it’s always hard for you to find her the perfect gift. Sol, this one time you rushed to her place as soon as you heard that she had a fever. She’s clearly someone dear to you, you just always have this look on your face whenever you talk about her.”

 

He cupped her cheek then, his thumb caressing the apple of her cheek, brushing away a stray tear that she didn’t even realize had started falling down. He looked at her, sadness evident on his face, “I’ve always thought that maybe you want her to be  _ more  _ than that, you know? But I was also content on having you around, thinking maybe that you’d eventually like me, maybe I just need to be patient with you. Last night, when you kissed me, I realize that that’s never gonna happen. Not when you looked as if you were disappointed, as if you had wished for someone else.”

 

Jinsol took the hand caressing her cheek, gripping it with both of her hands as a sob finally ripped through her chest. She gripped it so hard that her knuckles turned white, all the unexplainable anger dissipated, replaced with the guilt she had been feeling ever since she had agreed to try to go on dates with him. The word ‘I’m sorry’ was uttered out over and over again, met only with silence as Kyubin waited, always,  _ always _ , the patient one.

 

When her sobs had died down to hiccups, Kyubin finally continued. “I should be mad at you, but right now… I just feel bad for you. But I do think we should end this, you’re only fooling yourself and I’d end up getting hurt. I wish you can make things right with her, whatever your issue is. Just--” he took a deep breath, “don’t ever use someone like this again? Not everyone can be as understanding.”

 

“I know,” Jinsol said, squeezing the hand still in her grasp. “I’m sorry, you deserve better than this. I do hope we can still be friends, you’re genuinely a nice guy and I’m very fond of you.”

 

“I  _ do _ deserve better and you know what, maybe we can. But for now I don’t think it’s good if we’re still meeting up like this,” he said, offering her a small smile while retracting his hand from her grasp, “not until you sort this mess out, at least. We can talk then.”

 

“Right,” she let out a bitter laugh, wiping the remnant tears off her face with the sleeve of her hand. “Thank you, Kyubinnie.”

 

He smiled at that, still a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. He took his cup into his hand, standing up to leave as Jinsol watched, knowing that there was no use in stopping him, they’ve done the talk necessary anyway. He slung his bag on his shoulder, looking at her one more time before making his way to her. It was gentle, the way he kissed the top of her head, his fingers caressing her hair softly as he did so. When he pulled back, he made sure Jinsol was looking at him as he said, “Good luck. We both deserve a shot at happiness.”

 

And before Jinsol could even process his words, he left, leaving her red-eyed yet somewhat hopeful in the almost deserted coffee shop.

 

* * *

Kyubin’s words was the only thing echoing in her mind as she stared at her phone screen, Sooyoung’s name on it with her sleeping face as the contact photo. She had almost gone to her show, but she chickened out at the last second and had given the wine to Jungeun instead, Sooyoung’s junior on the dance team. But she kept reminding herself that show night is always Sooyoung’s night, a night when they usually meet up after a rough week and reward themselves, basking in each other’s companies no matter where they are. So it felt… off, spending it alone, when she could shower her with compliments, making her laugh with her absurd jokes, showering kisses on her cheek, just letting her know that she’s loved...

 

Or telling her that she loves her.

 

Jinsol took in a shaky breath at that thought, her thumb finally pressing down on the call button. It only took a few rings and a sob for her to break.


	3. End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Sooyoung had foolishly thought that falling further for Jinsol was impossible. But after launching into a rant about how worried she has been, how she misses her best friend, how she thought she had ruined everything between them, and finally, finally, asked her if the sex had meant nothing at all to her, Jinsol once again proves her wrong.

Sooyoung thinks she remembered the moment she fell for Jinsol, or rather, the moment she realized that she has been in love with the blonde.

 

She had stumbled into her dorm, pulling her jacket much closer around her. Her teeth was chattering despite the sweat drenching her shirt, head spinning that she could barely stand up anymore. She knew she shouldn’t have pushed it, but the quiz was too important to miss. Her fever wasn’t this bad, but she guessed that the air conditioner blasting just above her in class wasn’t helping her case at all.

 

She collapsed onto her bed, snatching the blanket from the foot of her bed to warm herself. She buried herself beneath it, pressing her head into the pillow to try to drown out the blood rushing through her ears. A part of her was telling her to get something to eat, at least a medicine, but she felt helpless and wanted nothing but to have the earth swallow her whole.

 

Amidst her blurry mind, she felt her phone pressing into her rib through her jacket pocket. She pulled it out, the screen briefly blinding her as she unlocked it under the blanket. She pressed the first contact on the top of her favorite list.

 

The line only rang twice before the voice chirped into her ear, “Hey, Soo! I was just--”

 

“Sol…” she croaked, cringing at how rough her voice had sounded. “I feel like dying”

 

She could picture Jinsol’s knitted eyebrows, bottom lip tugged between her teeth. “Are you okay? Where are you?”

 

“My dorm,” she sighed, still shivering despite the blanket around her. “I think my fever got worse.”

 

“No shit, I could hear your teeth chattering.”

 

“I’m not--”

 

“I’ll be there in a bit.” she had said, voice uncharacteristically stern. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

 

“I don’t even have the energy, dumbass.”

 

“You always find a way to anyway. Just stay put.”

 

With the call done, Sooyoung put the phone back into her pocket. She didn’t know how long it had passed, really, she was drifting on and off sleep, still shivering yet drenched with sweat. She vaguely heard the door open, but she was too out of it to really tell. It wasn’t until the blanket around her was being pulled that she was finally aware of her surroundings, groaning at the light suddenly invading her sight.

 

“Jesus christ,” she heard Jinsol say.

 

“I know, I’m stunning right?” Sooyoung said, sitting up to give Jinsol some room to sit on the small bed.

 

Jinsol didn’t respond to her attempt at a joke. Instead, she silently sit on the edge of her bed, pressing her hand on the crook of her neck before moving to press it on her forehead. Sooyoung tried to retaliate, but the blonde held her by her shoulder, scanning her face as if to look for any other sign of discomfort aside from the obvious shivering.

 

“You should change out of this,” Jinsol then said, tugging at the hem of her shirt. She then got up to put a bag Sooyoung hadn’t even realized she had been holding on the desk. “That’s not helping you at all, you should always keep your shirt dry.”

 

Sooyoung got up then, losing her balance a bit but managed to step just in time instead of stumbling. “If that’s your way of getting me off my shirt…”

 

“Gross,” she heard Jinsol said in faux-disgust.

 

Sooyoung silently made her way to her drawers, pulling the first shirt she set her eyes on. She shrugged her jacket off her, not minding that Jinsol was in her room at all, before taking her off her shirt and throwing it into her laundry basket. She turned back just in time to see Jinsol looking at her, a frown on her face yet her whole demeanor unreadable. Sooyoung scoffed, putting her shirt on before saying, “What? I was about to pass out okay? I can’t be bothered to change out of my shirt.”

 

“God, you’re such a baby”

 

“I am _not_ a--”

 

“You seem well enough to argue with me, should I just leave then?” Jinsol said, raising up an eyebrow in a challenging manner.

 

“You’re an asshole,” Sooyoung grumbled, snatching her jacket off the floor. She was about to put it on when Jinsol stop her.

 

“Don’t put it on yet, sit.” she said, motioning to her bed.

 

Sooyoung groaned, not liking how Jinsol was bossing her around like a _mom_. She was starting to regret calling her best friend at all. “What am I, a dog?”

 

“Well you sure are being a whiny bitch, so.” Jinsol deadpanned, finally turning her attention to Sooyoung. She handed her a fever patch. “Put this on.”

 

Sooyoung was about to protest yet again, knowing that mostly only _babies_ wear this patch. But Jinsol was already at the other side of the room by the time she opened her mouth. So she bitterly tore off the packaging, silently putting it on as Jinsol went into her bathroom.

 

It wasn’t long until she came back, bringing a bowl with her. Sooyoung couldn’t find any words as the girl kneeled in front of her, spreading her legs to make room for herself before setting the bowl down on the floor. Sooyoung was sure she got impossibly redder even with her already flushed skin as Jinsol shifted closer, a wet towel in her hand. She was about to question her when she felt the towel pressed on her neck, warm and soothing, and her eyes fluttered close at their own accord at the sensation.

 

“You were sweating, this is what my mom usually do when I sweat because of a high fever.” she heard the blonde say, her voice soft, calm, almost like she was cooing. Her hand was gentle as she moved, caressing the side of her neck before moving to her bicep, down the length of her arm. “Just to get rid of the sticky feeling, you know?”

 

Sooyoung could only hum in acknowledgement, keeping her eyes closed as she let Jinsol do the work. They were silent the whole time, with Jinsoul taking her time and going as far to caressing her fingers gently with the towel. Sooyoung didn’t even realize that they were done until she felt Jinsol tucking her hair behind her ear. Her eyes fluttered open then, expecting to see Jinsol staring back at her but finding the blonde picking up the bowl instead before standing up and turning her back towards her. That seemed to burst out whatever bubble Sooyoung was in, because then she shook her head and went to put her jacket back on. Jinsol rummaged through the bag she brought with her, taking out a plastic container and a spoon before thrusting it to the brunette.

 

“Eat the soup, the medicine is inside the bag you should take it after. I’m staying over.”

 

“You’re _what_ \--”

 

“You better have finished eating once I’m out of the shower. I’m gonna wear your clothes.”

 

Sooyoung stared at her, mouth agape as Jinsol took her shorts and tank top and nonchalantly walked into her bathroom. It wasn’t until she heard the water running that she looked back down at the container in her hand, and decided that maybe Jinsol staying wasn’t bad for her after all. So she silently did as she was told, slowly finishing her meal and took the medicine after. Just as she was putting the trash into the bag, Jinsol walked out of the bathroom with a towel around her shoulder. Good thing she always has spare towel.

 

“You know there’s no space for you to sleep on, right?”

 

“There’s your bed, Sooyoung. We have shared beds since high school.”

 

“This one is _tiny_.”

 

Jinsol didn’t seem bothered, she only put the towel on the chair before sitting on the bed, her back against the headboard of her bed. She opened her arms wide then, grinning at Sooyoung with that playful look on her face, “Come here, Soo.”

 

“You’re kidding.”

 

“There’s no other way! I just gotta make sure that you’re gonna be better tomorrow so we’ll have to share the bed tonight.”

 

“ _Cuddling_?”

 

“Only if you want to put it that way.”

 

“I shouldn’t have called you.”

 

Jinsol jumped off the bed then, the action startling Sooyoung so bad that she shrieked and dashed to the other side of the room. Jinsol’s healthy state allowed her to move faster than Sooyoung’s sluggish attempt of an escape, and soon enough she had her arms around the taller one whilst dragging her onto the bed. Sooyoung didn’t have much energy left in her, feeling exhaustion slowly crawling into her as she was sat on the bed with her back pressed against Jinsol’s front. She felt awkward, being in the blonde’s embrace despite her being the taller one. But Jinsol didn’t seem to mind as she was humming some song, reaching for the blanket to wrap around them.

 

“You know I’m like, gross, right? I’m sick, Jinsol.”

 

“You’ll need the extra heat,” Jinsol said matter-of-factly. “And I like cuddling.”

 

“Sure, cause you’re a baby.”

 

“Says the one being cuddled,” Jinsol mocked, reaching over for the light. Sooyoung smacked her hand away, turning off the light herself. “Rest, Soo. You better be better tomorrow after all this.”

 

Sooyoung sighed then, as Jinsol pulled her closer around her, chin resting at the crown of her head. And when the thumb resting on her waist started making a mindless pattern, Sooyoung realized she found comfort in it. A warm feeling spread through her chest, thinking of what had happened through the course of the evening, and how safe she felt within Jinsol’s embrace. She felt dizzy then, not due to her sickness, but due to the amount of butterflies fluttering in her stomach as she heard Jinsol mumble something out in her sleep, an incoherent set of words that she somehow found endearing. Sooyoung allowed herself to melt into the embrace then, sinking further into the mattress, sinking further into the feeling, falling for Jinsol felt easy when she got her in her embrace.

 

* * *

 

So Sooyoung had foolishly thought that falling further for Jinsol was impossible. But after launching into a rant about how worried she has been, how she misses her best friend, how she thought she had ruined everything between them, and finally, _finally,_ asked her if the sex had meant nothing at all to her, Jinsol once again proves her wrong.

 

“It meant everything to me, Soo.”

 

Sooyoung’s breath hitches at that, and the line falls silent for a while. With Jinsol expecting a reaction from the brunette and Sooyoung trying to process what just came out of Jinsol’s mouth.

 

“You--” Sooyoung shakes her head, hearing the blood rushing in her ears. Her tone was high pitched when she finally said, “ _what_?”

 

Jinsol takes in a shaky breath, pressing her phone closer to her ear. “I think I like you.”

 

Sooyoung’s mind goes blank.

 

“No, maybe…” she trails off, nursing her bottom lip between her teeth. She stares up at her ceiling, dreading the worse out of the situation. She can feel the expectation hanging in the air, briefly wishing that Sooyoung was in front of her so she could read her expression. But Kybuin said she deserves her shot, so she’s going to take it. “Maybe I even love you.”

 

“Sol…” Sooyoung starts, her voice shaky.

 

“No, let me finish.” the blonde says, pulling her legs into her chest. “I started seeing Kyubin not long before… our arrangement started,” she cringes a bit, she couldn’t even say having sex, “knowing full well that I don’t like him like that and I was only running from my own feelings. Feelings for _you_ , that I realized I have been having since forever now.”

 

Sooyoung is silent, so she continues, “Kyubin is nice, you know, great, even. So I thought, maybe if I stick around, I could eventually fall for him instead of uselessly pining for my best friend, who only thought of me as just _that_. Nothing more. I was mad at myself, because Kyubin _is_ perfect, but every time he looked at me as if I was the best thing to ever happen to him, I just wished he was _you_ looking at me like that. When I finally kissed him, I just wished that it was _you_.”

 

Silent tears is rolling down her face at this point, she furiously wipes it away, trying to get her message across. “So you see, that night when it all started, you looked at me that way and I thought that maybe, I had a chance. And when I asked you to kiss me, you did just that. But after that we never really talked about it, we continued to tiptoe around it, and you treated me as just that, your best friend. I didn’t have the nerve to ask you, afraid that it would make things weird between us, you know? Stupid, because I finally did just that by mentioning that I’ve been seeing a guy when it was never labelled in the first place. But back then, I would rather have you in whatever weird arrangement we had than losing you, Soo. I shouldn’t have, I took advantage of you and that--”

 

“You are so fucking dumb,” Sooyoung finally say, letting out a snort. “So dumb, Jinsol.”

 

“Excuse you, I’m pouring my heart here!” Jinsol exclaims, “will you let me finish?”

 

“Let me talk now,” Sooyoung say, wiping her running nose with a tissue. She sits up in an attempt to make herself more confident on what she is about to say, “You’re not taking advantage of me. I’m an adult, dumbass. I consent to everything we did.”

 

“Yeah but you’re-- I--”

 

“Yeah, exactly. No words, huh?” Sooyoung say, laughing as she hears a frustrated groan from the other end of the line, feeling that familiar fluttering feeling at the pit of her stomach. She has missed Jinsol’s laugh. “I was afraid of losing you, too. _I_ thought that I had taken advantage of you by agreeing to kiss you--”

 

“That doesn’t make sense.”

 

“None of this makes sense, our feelings.” She hears Jinsol’s gasp, and she rolls her eyes as she continues. “ _Our_ feelings, Jinsol. I like, no, _love_ you too, but was afraid that I’d ruin whatever it was we had if I were to ask you about it. And I only agreed to end it because I thought you were happy with the Kyubin guy, I don’t want to stand in the way of you and your happiness, obviously. But honestly, why do you think I was _sobbing_ when I picked up then? Because I miss having sex with you?”

 

“Jesus, don’t put it so bluntly,” Jinsol cringes as Sooyoung chuckles, both of them finally feeling as if weights have been lifted off their shoulders. “But… _love_ me too?”

 

“Gag, I know,” Jinsol can picture the playful smile through her tone, the Sooyoung she has missed. “But yeah, that look you talked about… was not platonic. We were both too pussy to actually come right out and admit it, apparently.”

 

“Dumb,” the blonde say, clicking her tongue. “We suffered for _two_ weeks for nothing, Soo.”

 

“Yeah, we could’ve been having sex in the past two weeks we haven’t been talking.”

 

“Sooyoung!”

 

Sooyoung is grinning at the thought of blushing Jinsol, letting herself fall back onto her bed, feeling herself falling all over again for the girl who just confessed to her. She’s convinced that the grin is permanent now. “When did you know, Sol?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“You said you knew way before our arrangement, so when was it?”

 

“Ah,” Jinsol pauses, pretending to think for the sake of building Sooyoung’s anticipation. “Everytime you smiled at me.”

 

Sooyoung immediately dismisses it, telling her that sounds too cheesy to be true. Though Jinsol laughed along, with her heart feeling the fullest it’s ever been, she really fell for Sooyoung the moment she smiled at her.

 

And with all the smiles after that, Jinsol found herself falling deeper and deeper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thats the end of this!! thank you for being patient with the update, let me know what you think
> 
> cc: bossbabhye  
> twitter: jindorisblue

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think!
> 
> cc: bossbabhye  
> twitter: jindorisblue


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